Menu
BLOG TOPIC LIST

  • My Mother's Hands - Part 2

    Hands that Bless - Part 2

    As we head closer to Mother's Day, of all the "pictures" I remember of my mother, it's her hands that stand out to me. In the picture below, they're beautiful and healthy... 

    But by the time I was ten, my mother's hands were bent and twisted with rheumatoid arthritis. The world wouldn't have thought them beautiful. But they were to beautiful to me and to my brothers. They became, in fact, a symbol of her love for us over the years. 

    Because of the pain in those twisted joints, my mother could not grab your hand. She never took your hand and shook it. When she took it, she touched it gently, squeezing just a part of it. Holding on to you softly. Then releasing you from her touch. 

    That's how she held on to each of us boys. Tenderly. Softly. With real affection and warmth. 

    Yet loosely. The day Jeff (my twin brother) and I turned sixteen, she took us to get our driver's licenses. We passed the written and drivers test. Got our license, and thirty minutes later, she let us drive our old Volkswagen twelve hundred miles fromPhoenix to Indianapolis to see our Aunt and Uncle. She wanted to go with us, but her hands and knees her way too much to be scrunched in a small car for that long. 

    Every time I look back, I marvel at the loose hold she had on our lives. 

    She held everything loosely. Cups. Silverware. Pencils. She even held the days loosely, never knowing whether it would be a good day or a bad one, taking what came and taking it with grace. If her gentle touch helped us to grow up, it also provided a strong incentive to do what was right. Because her hands hurt so much, my mother was never able to spank us, but beneath her tender ways there lay an underlying firmness when we went beyond the lines. Worse than a spanking was her way of placing her hand on our, always softly, and speaking to us of her concern for our behavior, always gently as well. 

    When she looked up at you and help your hand, you might as well have been in the grip of a lumberjack. You couldn't pull away. It would hurt her hands too much if you did. And she's cry from the pain. So you sat there. And you listened. And little by little, the warmth of her heart melted the anger and defiance in yours. 

    Whatever I lost in a dad when he bailed out when I was two months old, God gave back to me, and overflowing, in a mom. She was the compensating grace in my life. 

    She was like Job in many ways.  She hadn't deserved the divorce or the disease. Yet she refused to complain, much less to curse God. In spite of the pain, she carried on with love, with purpose, with dignity. She never gave up, never turned despondent.

    Her hands couldn't iron my slacks or sew buttons on my shirts or tie my ties. She couldn't do much with her hands. Yet with them she taught me everything - a picture at a time, a blessing at a time. 

    At this Mother's Day season, what pictures of your mothers hands (or the memory of a picture) do you carry? 

    Perhaps you see them folding a damp washcloth and laying it gently on your fevered forehead or clapping for you when you scored that goal. Perhaps you see her hands typing that term paper for you late at night, or waving to you at graduation, or praying for you during that time of deepest hurt. 

    That's what taking the time to BLESS YOUR MOTHER is all about this Mother's Day. 

    Absolutely, get her a card or flowers. I've done that for almost 18 years running now - since my mother's gone to heaven.  I've taken flowers to her grave every year. But when she was alive, like my good friend, Darrell Heringer taught me to tell our girls, "You teach them that EVERY DAY is Mother's Day as far as their mom is concerned! And sure enough, even though both our girls are grown, our precious daughters are giving their mother flowers this year - a bouquet make out of fruit! 

    (And I hope Cindy doesn't read this until after Mother's Day!). 

    But take time to do TWO THINGS... 

    1) Look back at the pictures you carry of your mother. No mother is perfect. There will be those pictures when perhaps she was tired or angry or hurt or insensitive. But look at the snapshots, Polaroids, pictures. The many ways in which a mother's hands - in which YOUR MOTHER'S HANDS - served and comforted and taught and disciplined and protected and were closed in prayer for you. 

    2) WRITE HER A BLESSING along with the flowers, card or gift. I CAN'T ENCOURAGE YOU ENOUGH if your Mom is living to put yours words down for her. That's what we're calling parents to do with their children at www.TheBlessing.com And if you'll go there, and take the Blessing Challenge, you'll find out specifics (as well as examples) on how to write out a Blessing if you haven't done it before. 

    What you write to Bless your Mom doesn't have to be long or "brilliant" (like your sister the writer would have written). It doesn't have to be "clever" or "funny" (like your brother would have penned). It's your heart. Your Mom. YOUR PICTURES. But know that God's word says, "Death and Life are in the power of the tongue." Proverbs 18:21. It starts with Death as a warning. Your words - spoken AND written can subtract (Death). But they can also marvelously add LIFE to your Mom's life this Mother's Day. 

    So as you look back at the pictures of Blessing your Mom left you... remember one more thing. Each day, YOU'RE leaving behind pictures of Blessing as well for your children, spouse and friends... 



    Thu, May 2, 2013 (2 comments)

  • A Son that Blesses a Mom and Others!

    Listen to Blessing Champion Shon Stewart's interview with Joni Eareckson Tada!

    A few blogs ago, I shared a picture of Shon Stewart and Joni Eareckson Tada "singing" together in her studio! On May 1st, Joni had Shon featured on her 5 minute radio feature!

    Here's the link! Listen to an INCREDIBLE interview that will encourage and Bless you!

    Listen Now

    Thu, May 2, 2013 (2 comments)

  • My Mother's Hands

    Hands That Bless - Part 1

    Because my twin brother and I were only two months old when our father left, I didn't hear the shock in my mother's voice when she picked up the phone and he told her he was moving out. I didn't hear her cry. I didn't understand the despair she felt as a suddenly single parent with no job, no money, and no help from her family or the government. 

    It was 1952 and the divorce rate then was four couples per thousand. No, that's not a typo. Per thousand. Suddenly she was not only in a minority but a minority that at the time was looked down upon by the vast majority of society. 

    But my mom didn't curse God. Or even my father. (I was always amazed at how respectful she was of him as I grew older). She dried her tears and started business school. She became a career woman in the early 50's, a pioneer by circumstances, not by choice. 

    She was the thirteenth employee at First Federal Savings and Loan. She would ascend to the level of First-Vice-President before being forced to medically retire. Because of her accomplishment of opening almost 20 branch offices in one year in 1956, the Wall Street Journal did a story on her. Including their famous "pen an ink" picture on the front page! And she became the first woman "loaned executive" to the United Way in the United States. It's a little hard to see, but take a look at her smiling - surrounded by 23 of the "best and brightest" businessmen in Arizona. 

    And she rated an article about it because it was such a "break through" for businessmeBut despite all she accomplished in business, her career was always secondary to her three sons, Joe, Jeff, and me. 

    Although she was solely responsible for supporting my brothers and me, she also got us involved in sports, took us camping, put posters of sports heroes up on our walls, and took us to see the Dodgers and Giants when they came to Phoenix for spring training. We got to see baseball greats like Sandy Koufax and Don Drysdale (Yes I still have their autograph!). We met "Dizzy" Dean and Pee Wee Reece. At the time they were CBS baseball announcers - but if you've seen the movie, 42, you'll know the name, Pee Wee Reece. He was the Dodger short stop who put his arm around Jackie Robinson in one of the most famous sports photographs in history. (And yes, I have Dizzy and Pee Wee's autograph too).

    When I think of my childhood, my thoughts range over a thousand pictures. The ways her eyes would "brighten" every time she saw us as she drove home from work. The way she really LISTENED to you and acted like what you said was important - and it was to her. 

    But then came a number of pictures I remember that weren't so pretty. 

    Of her in doctors offices. Then all the hospital stays. She had been stricken with rheumatoid arthritis when we were still in grade school. It would rob her of her career and more and more mobility by the time we were in high school. 

    She would end up with two artificial ankles, two artificial knees, two artificial hips, and an elbow replacement that didn't work - so they had to "freeze" that arm. Why two? Because surgical implants back in the 50's and 60's aren't what they are today. Her artificial ankle would shatter... and so another surgery to put a second ankle in. And on and on. 

    I saw my mother lose so much. 

    I cannot remember a single night growing up when she didn't cry out in pain at night. I'd get up sometimes. Walk to her bedroom door. Even open it slightly sometimes and peer in. She'd have rolled over and cried out in pain.. but then gone back to sleep... until the next time. 

    But all during that time, I also saw, something else. Something that was and still remains in my mind and heart, a tremendous "blessing."

    Her hands... 

    And I hope they help remind and give you a reason to Bless your mother, in just a few days on Mother's day.  

    Or on any day... 

    Wed, May 1, 2013 (No comments)

  • This Months Blessing Challenge Focus: STRENGTHS!

    Several years ago, I was struggling with how to help a parent, spouse or friend understand how to “nail” the Third Element of the Blessing.


    "Attaching high value.” Here’s what I mean.

    You'd talk to people about the First Element of the Blessing, Appropriate Meaningful Touch and they'd get it. It didn’t take long to “see” that a handshake, a hug, or other appropriate way of using touch was a key, biblical, personal, effective way to bless a loved one. People just got it. (Even if meaningful touch hadn’t been a part of their past).

    Then I’d shared about the Second Element of the Blessing, Spoken Message, and people quickly “got” that as well. Anyone who has lived through Grade School or Junior High knows the incredible power spoken words have to build up, or to tear down.  Scripture tells us “Life or death is in the power of the tongue.” 

    (Perceptive) people realize how quickly the positive feelings vanish when we BUY things for a child or our spouse as a way to value them. Even really NICE things. Instead, (if they’re at all perceptive) it’s amazing how writing or saying WORDS of Blessing can cause positive feelings and outcomes to stay and grow in a loved ones heart and mind. At compound interest.

    Silence subtracts. Spoken words add.

    But what about the Third Element of the Blessing?  "Attaching high value." Just how do you help people do that? That was my challenge.

    And, that’s this month’s Blessing Challenge focus. I’ll be posting several thoughts on specific ways you can affirm a loved ones strengths, and Attach High Value to them.

    Here’s the first way.

    It’s a biblical tool, used throughout scripture, to help a child or loved one really “see” or “get the picture” of how much they mean to you. That’s crucial for THEM. I can’t begin to tell you how many parents I’ve spoken with who said, “I sent them to college!” “I bought them a car!” “They had plenty of clothes and food!” And yet their child leaves home and spends years feeling ambivalent or even convinced they DIDN’T get their parent’s BLESSING. Even with all that money being spent on them! Why?

    The BLESSING isn’t something you can buy your way out of GIVING!

    And to better learn how to give the Blessing, I hope you’ll consider practicing and using this tool yourself as grow in creating a culture of the Blessing in your home, church and world.

    But before you read about how to Attach High Value to your loved ones -- in a post that pictures farmers in a field  – do yourself a HUGE favor and stop off at Music that Blesses Others. That’s where you’ll find our good friend and Blessing Champion, Shon Stewart. His ministry and website is  a place you’ll want to bookmark and revisit each month. (www.musicthatblessesothers.com)

    It’s always inspirational. Each month, and sometimes more then once a month, Shon will feature a new Blessing Challenge artist who’s added their voice or music to the Blessing Challenge. (Like Joni Eareckson Tata last month!).  And this month, you'll hear a song by another one of our Blessing Champions, Mary Rice Hopkins!

    Mary Rice Hopkins goes all over the country encouraging children with her fun, inspirational, Jesus honoring message in song. I encourage you to visit www.MaryRiceHopkins.com to find out all about her songs and concerts and all the ways she helps build the Blessing into the lives of parents and children across our country! 

    Here’s one of her songs sung by Shon when he was a child, and shared here with Mary's permission. It will inspire you to learn more about Attaching High Value to EACH child – all of them having “high worth” and value to God and their parents.

    Now that you’ve watched the video and are “inspired” to Attach High Value to YOUR child or loved one – the next post shares a biblical tool to help you do just that.

    Thu, April 11, 2013 (No comments)

  • A Biblical Tool for Attaching High Value to Your Child


    Want to “nail” Attaching High Value, the Third Element of the Blessing, as a way of encouraging and Blessing your child (or spouse)?


     Then look for a STRENGTH (or two, or three) that your child or loved one demonstrates as you see them do life. And once you’ve identified that strength, then help them "get the picture" of why they're so value to you! 

    That’s what one father (Isaac) did to help his son (Jacob) “get the picture” of how valuable he was to him. He did it by saying,

    "See the smell of my son is like the smell of a field that the Lord has blessed." Gen. 27

    Now, before you run down the hall to wake up your son or daughter and say, “Jimmy, wake up! I just wanted you to know that you smell like those garlic fields we drove by in Gilroy, California. Remember? We were driving home from our vacation and it was right after the fields had been harvested. Remember? And remember how terrible it smelled? That’s what I think about you!”

    That may be a modern equivalent of what Isaac said to Jacob - but please keep reading just a bit further.

    What Isaac was “picturing” for his son wasn’t a back-handed way to criticize his personal hygiene (Like we’d say, “Honey, I love you, but you smell like the soccer field – Go take a bath!). Isaac was indeed saying his son “smelled like a field” – but it was so that his son would “get the picture” of how valuable he was to him! He was using a biblical tool we call an “emotional word picture” that helped his words Attach High Value to his son. Let go deeper to understand this.

    Forget for a moment that (most of us) grew up as city dwellers. Let’s say you grew up on a farm. Even a farm in Gilroy, CA. If your family’s livelihood and their blood sweat and tears went into the planting, harvesting, weeding, watering, and protecting of those fields, the harvest would MEAN a great deal. All those hours at night fighting to keep the crop from the frost or keeping pests away from eating the young leaves. All that effort, now ready to pay off with a huge harvest. In scripture, “The smell of a field that the Lord has blessed” is a picture of a field with a record harvest. 

    To a farmer... a record harvest being brought in is an incredible smell.

    It “smelled” of a celebration, finally coming after all the months of hard work in preparing the field. It pointed to a time of being able to sell off that crop to pay off bills. Perhaps even have a little money left over for special things for the family as well.

    In short, when Isaac “blessed” Jacob, he gave him a word picture that Attached High Value to him – and Jacob as a farmer's son - “got” the picture! He had been part of planting and farming all his life!

    Here’s how a modern day father or mother might use this picture today with his farmer son,

    “Jacob, I’ve been wanting to tell you how much you mean to me. So here’s a “blessing” picture I want you to remember. You know how you smell like the harvest from head to toe after working so hard work to help us bring in the crop? Well I want you to always remember that smell. And when you do, son, remember that’s a smell that pictures several things I really love and appreciate about you.

    “Jacob, that smell of the harvest is a smell of hard work. And that’s what you are, son. A super hard worker. And not only that, but it’s the smell of someone who’s been faithful for months to protect and nurture and see those crops grow. And now, at harvest, it’s the smell of someone who has helped provide for our whole family, and others as well. 

    So, Jacob, every time you smell that smell of the harvest, remember that I think you’re a hard worker. That you’re a faithful, responsible son. And that you’re a wonderful provider, for our family and for others. That I think the strengths God has given you today will make you a great husband and father one day. And that’s smell of the harvest, is the smell of the Lord’s blessing on your life, Jacob. Remember when you smell it, that we are blessed to have you as our son, and know too that you have today - and always - our Blessing as well."  

    Just think about hearing words like that from YOUR father.

    Then think about the next time you smelled that “smell of the harvest.” Even long after your Dad had gone to be with the Lord, it would bring back an incredible memory. In fact, it could give you a positive picture that God could use you and Bless you in the future. And that each day, you carried your father's Blessing inside your heart as well. 

    That���s what we mean by, Attaching High Value to someone. It’s helping them “get the picture” that you think they have great value to God and to you. Or, as Dr. Tony Wheeler, my partner in The Blessing Challenge likes to say to his wife and children, “To me, you’re hot stuff.”

    And helping to carry that message was a “picture." Again, something we call an emotional word picture. (My good friend, Gary Smalley and I wrote a whole book about these "word pictures" called The Language of Love if you need more help or examples. You can find that book in the store). A biblical tool for Attach High Value that was used time and time and time again in scripture. By a parent or grandparent or spouse or friend - and always to link that person’s spoken words and "high value" with their Blessing.

    And you should use it too. Don’t say you aren’t “creative.” Coming up with a “word picture” isn’t as hard as you think. You just pick a strength your son or daughter demonstrates. Something they do today that blesses others and shows a “hint” of how God can use them in the future. (Like they’re compassionate to a hurting friend, or kind to a sibling, or sharing with someone at school, or brave to stand up to a bully who is hurting a weaker child, or patient and willing to help a friend who isn’t getting it in math). Look for their STRENGTHS - not just at their weaknesses. And then link that strength with a picture – and you’ll be shocked how powerful your words of Blessing can be in their life. Today and even for days or years to come.

    One last thing.

    If you’re ready for some more inspiration, then head to Music That Blesses Others. (www.musicthatblessesothers.com). Shon Stewart is someone who has had a mother and father who have ALWAYS, from the day he was born (with severe complications), CHOSEN to see great “strengths” in their son. He was a fighter, just to survive. But he was also given a gift by the Lord to be able to sing. And he’s had a life-long desire and ability to sing for the Lord and inspire others.

    So take a look at this month’s featured video, and the special guest artist for April.

    P.S. If you do not see this month's theme song on the home page when you go to www.MusicThatBlessesOthers.com then just click on "The Blessing Challenge" button on the menu bar, and then on "Monthly Theme Songs.” That’s how you can find the most recent song and artist at the top.

    Thu, April 11, 2013 (No comments)
RSS Feed
PHOTO

Dr. John Trent is a bestselling and award-winning author, and one of the nations most sought after speakers on marriage, parenting and family relationships.

Click here to read more about John

RSS Feed
RSS Feed
RSS Feed